problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The uberlube is also flammable
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
