Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
