I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize