Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just googled if crying burns calories
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize