just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
