How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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