I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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