I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
