I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
