I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Are we still banned from the library?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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