There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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