I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
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Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
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Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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