just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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