omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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