im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I need a burrito and a hug.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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