dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
