i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
