the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
