I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
