ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
