me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
