your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
