I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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