p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
