you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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