Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
