i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
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