i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
