she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
