So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
