Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
