Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
