So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
