I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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