I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
is it fun? or sober?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
