Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
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There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
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The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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