I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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