I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
