trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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