How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
