dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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