Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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