my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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