I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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