So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
