In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
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I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
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I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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