How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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