that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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