you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
