Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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