I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
