I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
