Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
