if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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