i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
