3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize