i can't believe i had my finger in that
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
