She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
