Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize