Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
