On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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